A carnivore’s guide to Brisbane

The one thing we know to be true about the food chain is that the higher up you climb, the better it gets. Being a cow ‘aint easy in a country with a meat consumption of 190,000 tonnes per year (that’s 100kg per person) and where a Bunnings sausage sizzle attracts more interest than the football World Cup.

To the vegetarians out there, we are sympathetic. But as true carnivores and supporters of mankind’s longevity we’ve taken it upon ourselves to create a meat lover’s guide to Brisbane’s worst vegetarian restaurants.

Rio de Janeiro style

If there’s one thing Brazilians treasure more than football, it’s churrasco. What really sets this South American-style steakhouse apart from your average pub is the non-existent concept of portion sizes. The meat is cut into mammoth-sized chunks, skewered and then carved up at your table while it’s still smoking. The best part? The meat keeps coming until you decide to throw in the towel.

Mundo Churrasco in Bardon keeps the grill hot and the party going from noon til late seven days a week. There are no rules, just all the meat you can eat and the best caipirinhas in town.

Gangnam style

There’s more to Korea than hi-tech mobile phones, tear-jerking dramas and horse dancing YouTube sensations. In fact, Koreans are true carnivores and proudly throw anything with a pulse on the barbecue (well, almost).

At Obaltan you order your meat by the plate and grill it yourself at your table. Enjoy everything from ox tongue to crispy pork belly together with a signature range of Korean side dishes and a bottle of soju. Rice is optional.

Wagyu style

Kobe beef is known around the world for its unique texture, marbling and flavour. Needless to say, the Japanese put an extraordinary amount of effort into the preparation of food and the cows are no exception.

Every cow is massaged, brushed with sake to keep the skin lustrous and fed a generous amount of pale ale, making it probably the most pampered farm animal in the world.
Grill specialists Moo Moo serve a generous selection of finer Japanese cuts for discerning carnivores, ranging from Kobe beef to Wagyu rump steaks served by the kilo.

Yankee style

America has always been fascinated with big things (horses, monster trucks, Apache helicopters) and meals are no exception. Ribs and Rumps serves up just what the name says, Route 66 style. Wash down a 1kg piece of rump with a cold beer or go primal with a rack of ribs on top of your steak.

Whichever way you cut it, you know Chuck Norris would approve of your high protein eating habits. And your beard.

Evolutionary style

While we do recognise our humble roots grazing the pastures of middle earth, scientists have noted a significant jump in human brain size and intelligence as we started to hunt and eat the animals around us. This has led to all kinds of wonderful inventions like space travel, civil rights and mushroom sauce.

And the best mushroom sauce and some of Brisbane’s best sirloin can be found at the Morrison Hotel in Woolloongabba, where prime cuts and good ales are served in a cosy, low-key environment mostly devoid of vegetables.